Subject: Living Will
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of ethically challenged politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a brandy Manhattan on the rocks, , it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the Legislature (State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren’t in a permanent coma (dead).
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don’t care how many unfundamentalist votes they’re trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else’s life and leave me alone to die in peace.
I couldn’t care less if a hundred mislead religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don’t know these people, and I certainly haven’t authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business (read the Bible-let the dead take of the dead), too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.
You don’t stop playing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop playing. T. Lee